Making so many jokes containing personal attacks, expressing them with the wrong expression; being sacarstic, incessant insults. It all sux. Teasing is ok, but overteasing becomes personal attacking.

Just because I always tend to laugh it off and treat it as a joke, Don't take it for granted. And dun say im sensitive. Everybody is to a certain extent. Who doesn't get pissed over excessive mean remarks man. There's a limit to patience ok. You may not mean it the first time, but saying it so many times does say something.

Wanna trust someone, dun doubt the intentions. Dun be a close fren yet be so superficial. Making him/her feel like a reliever in times of need only.

And dun shove your weight around. Attitude problem, stress, responsibility, problems.....your not the only one ok. Dun take us as your punching bags. Screw off if ur screwed, dun screw us.

Today is totally not my day. Pissed off and exhausted during sch, failed chem test, couldn't remember any names in choir, kenna whacked damn hard in Wacko, think i kinda overbearing in the OG, met up with some f***ed up Indian gangster who told us to shut up in the bus, sian diao during dinner, overslept on the journey home, sprained ankle while walking downhill.

Only consolation for today was the choir orientation and dinner. Nice juniors, hope to know more people better.

Today was all in all a good day. No tutorials at all, only double GP and a chem lecture. During free period saw shuwen by coincidence and had a nice chat, like the times in SA [shes my classmate for 1st 3 mths, now in NJ]. Oh then saw Ivy at talentime booth and talked for a while, lame and spaz as usual. She used to be a close classmate, always pon lessons tgr and stuff, kinda sad tt shes in diff class now.

Then joined choir ppl. Tossed Yu Sheng. Ate for the sake and meaning. Also played big2 with the sops, until the teacher behind told us not to. Extra~. Choir prac was ok, until ck suddenly blew up, then honseng flared back, then kinda sian after tt. Year 1s so loud, during combine sectionals kenna affected by them, then sing wrong.

Had dinner with the clique after tt. Talked crap, slack, laughed, ate and ate... miracle i dun turn gluttony and fat despite the big appetite. Maybe intestines longer, then the food digests completely, maybe tts y dun shit so often. No wonder always full of crap. Nvm.

Slack day. Nth happening, but feels gd somehow. Gonna go watch American Idol now, ciaoz.
Nice weather. Hear the wind blow.........wooo............

Time: 3.47am. Just finished Integration assignment, only non-slack thing i did in the 'long' hols, cun sleep now cos i slept in the evening. Gonna feel cranky in school later, shucks. My bio clock's screwed, but its normal.

Stoner's Bai Nian
First destination: My place. Everyone agreed got the most entertainment heh. [haah see y i always slack now?] Played a scary thriller on PS2 called Fatal Frame II, freaked the hell out of the girls. HS cun get his hands off Devil May Cry, signs of addiction.

Next was Sherm's. Noisy and crowded. Her relatives were there. Lil kiddies were cute, but resisted the temptation to pinch their cheeks. Everyone having fun playing blackjack. Settled lunch there. The dumplings were nice. Played a bit of cards, won a measly $2. Should have betted more. But gambling is a dangerous sport.

Then went to Raph's house. Quite small, but cosy la. His sister shorter than sherm haha, made sherm proud of herself for a while haha. The tidbits there were gd man, stuffed down quite a lot despite the sore throat. Oh no, more fat to burn off.

Next stop: Shangzhi's house. WOW. Damn big and pretty too. Antique and oriental kinda feel. But took 3 buses to get there, even though so near Raph's place. *hint* Spent some time walking around and admiring the place. Neat. Her parents looked refined too, and the deco all so pro.

After all that it was about 515pm liao. Had to bid them farewell, and meet up with sr and clique. Missed out on the karaoke session they had at honseng's, darn. Managed to fulfill aud's bet near the end of the day, heh. Closer bro and sis now. See how things go~

SR's Dinner
Met up with the usual gang. Watched TV. Cun rem what prog, but news was one of them =S. Waited a while for jiayan's grand arrival, but started eating first. Sphagetti, fish nuggets, some tau sah pia lookalike pastry [hah freaked out zw and jh], salmon, abalone wif vegetables. Soup and dessert was nice. Then continued watching TV, some funny chinese show, laughed like crazy. Chatted a lil, mostly about American Idol. Had to leave early, cos got guests at my place. Felt kinda paiseh, come kinda late, and leave so soon.

Frenz Stayover
They came to bai nian at my house. Then gamed, played Fatal Frame II again, late night some more, muahaha scary. Then chatted and catch up on each other. Haah yf finally got attached after being in testwater zone for some time. His case like kinda similar to mine... cept diff ending.

Time: 420am. Wrote abit too much. Muz sleep, or else later really dead until wanna pon. Shall do reflections, Part 2, some other day.

End of Part 1. To be continued~

Saturday was an eventful day. So many things to talk about, dunno where to start. Think ill make a part 1 and 2 for this day. No perseverence to finish writing all the events. Not the right hour to anw. Just list down the stuff first: Stoners' mass bai nian, new developments to a relationship, sr's dinner, frenz stayover, my friends, myself.

Bleah. Really no perseverence. Shall do this another time.

Lunar New Year Day 2. Still haven't done much visiting. Supposed to visit grandparents today, but woke up late, dilly dally, stupid reasons and excuses, ended up not going. Hello, dun push everything to the weekend lor. Total waste of time, when i can go other ppl's house to bai nian. Urgh. Sux. And its not cos of the ang paos, its the mood. And right now it isn't looking so gd.

Having sore throat and flu now, and I havent even ate much of the new yr goodies. Hope everything's all right tmr. Tmr got so many programmes, too bad can only choose one. Feel kinda bad for not going the other outings. Aiyah why everyone put on Saturday.

Glad everyone so enthu abt the dance thing. And yikes, cun believe so many ppl want in on the team. Well time to get things going. Still not sure whether non-nj ppl can join the talentime, but heck, we're still gonna train. Maybe there's an inter-jc comp coming up. Hu noes.

Well, you said things wouldn't changed, but reality bites, and u cun predict it, things have changed. Not tt it can be helped. Let it stay this way then. It's not me, it may be you, but it certainly is life. It's as real as it gets.

My immortal.

Late update. Anw Friday wasn't bad, tho sch sucked [as usual], getting more traumatised by Mrs Lim by the day. God, the way she pressurises answers out of people. Went to Westmall to chill out during the 4 hr break, think it might become a weekly routine thing. Oh and saw Lynn and Alwyn and grp there, guess they got free period too.

Oh and wore TCHS uniform tt day during choir. Kinda small, but still fits i guess. Heh received compliment from jiayan. Think ill wear ac uniform during choir games day. 8 new tenors this yr, they're ok lor, no party/clubbing animals tho, guessing from their faces. 4 scholars....tenor section 4eva liddat la. Cun blame, we're rare, betta appreciate us ;P. Heh and we get the best treatment by Ms lim. Oh n most of the new tenors look so stone, plus a few looking erm....happy.

Oh sectionals tt day was so strict. Scaring the new kids la CK. Careful they dun run away. Combined singing was so paiseh. Couldn't guide Ernest standing beside me, cos i was lost as well. In the end still had to rely on Honseng to provide assistance. All the new tenors know music, so i guess the year 2s will learn slower than them. Well so much for being seniors....

Went for dinner after tt. Laughed throughout the entire session. Huishan's fault. She laughs at everything man. Stomach hurt after tt. Either frm too much laughing or too much food.

Slacking the entire weekend away. And dun feel the least guilty. Hmm.

Things have finally come to a conclusion. The episode was supposed to end long ago, dunno how it lasted until now. Well at least things are clearer now, and somehow, it feels easier and painless to let go rather than hang on. There wasn't anything much in the first place actually. The subtle warmth of freedom, taken with a calm eased mind. Mind's finally unscrewed and focused now.

Choir. It gets mundane by the day. All the singing, new songs or old, can really be taxing on the mind. Esp for someone who doesn't know a thing abt music. I just learn by listening to the tune many times. Sectionals are more of an intro of tt piece to me than learning every single note and rhythmn.

But one thing tt motivates me in choir are the people, and how worries and stress can be cast aside in front of them. Maybe cos no one toks abt hw and tests. At least the people i hang out wif dun. But come to think of it, no one really shares their personal probs either. At least the people i hang out wif dun. Guess its just the carefree, slack lot tt suits me. At least until the major exams come.

Maybe i shoulda joined dance instead. Moving to the rhythmn and beat and creating ur own dance style seems to fit me betta. But pity they have ballet inside too. Nah, i only do hiphop and modern. Still trying to form back the dance team. After tt still havta choreograph moves. See how lor.

Slowly gaining the momentum to finish up tutorials and assignments. Thank god. But maths still kinda lacking behind, what wif the tutorials and assignments, hard to complete everything manz. Understanding everything so far, good sign. Integration's a fun topic if you know it well hehz. Felt drained during later half of the day. And had this raging flu for the entire day. Used up so many tissues, couldn't stop sneezing, felt terrible.

Oh and i came u wif another ny resolution, tho 'new' yr kinda over alrdy. Just hope to keep close contact wif close frenz. Not a lot so must cherish them all. Yup.

PE. JL really kicks ass man. Run 10 rnds n 200 pumping. Gd thing managed to finished everything. Accomplishment =). Damn im weak......in the end changed to 100 push ups and 100 dippings. But never run each rnd within 2mins like she told us to. Shldn't have rested so much, fatigue really pinning me down.

Oh and realised closing your eyes to run makes it a hell lot easier. As least for me la, cos mine is more mind over body. Starting to feel tt running is 'fun', and getting aching muscles and joints means one step further away frm BMT. But dunno whether can pass broadjump, got CG problem [as wad the pe teacher said last ime]. Wonder how i even got the napfa award twice, for getting gold frm primary sch all the way to sec3. Deproved way too much. Studies seem to follow the same pattern. Got worse ever since sec3. Aiyo.

Oh and my tuesday timetable really sux la. Got 2 hrs 40mins to slack b4 CL, think tts the lesson ill pon most often. Friday worse, come sch for 3 lessons, then got free time until chem tut at 4. WoW~ can go home, take shower, nap, play some games, then come back.

Hmm gonna see choir juniors and 04S24 tmr, lil' kiddies heh. Dunno which uniform to wear, tchs or acjc? Maybe ill switch in btw or smth. Supposed to do gp research n study chem test. Great. Im not even supposed to be here. N muscles aching. Ow.

Hmm. After reading cy n sherm's posts, feel like blogging again. Debate on censorship huh? Well, this is a blog, not a diary. You dun share intimate thoughts here. Unless you really lack someone to share wif besides the world. Censorship IS necessary. Unless you want people to think that you hate this guy who is their gd fren or smth, or noe who your crushes are, or worse, ur crush stumbles upon ur blog and things turn awkward. Tell me tts not screwed. People's opinions and impression of you do change when they look at your blog posts.

http://www.journal-writing.webdjinni.net/lostmuse/5.16.2002.html - definition of a diary, a blog, and a journal. Check it out n see whether ur writing in the corect medium. Nuff said.

No offence to anyone k..... Just wanna prove a point. Anw to each his own. As long as your comfortable about it. Just dun post smth and regret the whole world noes abt it and bad rumours spread. And no, im not passerby, in case u ppl are wondering, and cy pls dun term me 'people', i dun represent the rest of the population and its hostile. Writing a freaking long post solely in response to my view ain't nice too.

Now on to less serious stuff. Watched School of Rock, reminds me of Sister Act 2, cept lamer and funnier. Derek will luv the show,all the jamming, too bad he cun come. Inspiring show la, envy the kids, so young play/sing so well. Went out w/o doin tutorials, not gonna do liao sianz. Anw today's outing nth exciting, just watch movie, stone a bit, then went home. Shld have met earlier. Was in 'wanna be alone' mode later at nite. Dunno y oso.

Lastly, dun flame me cos i write my opinions. Ill flame back.

Oh after seeing the western dance perform at linkway today, REALLY feel like forming a dance grp and trash them in talentime or smth. [No offence, but their hip-hop a bit cmi, moves too simple n boring] Hmm dunno if talentime will allow other jc ppl to join, cos the dance team im familiar wif is in hcjc. Used to participate in danceworks and sch talentime, but din win danceworks cos national comp, then too many strong teams.

Prefer all-guys team, can do harder moves, but wouldnt mind mixed, can do duo moves. But if mixed then dunno hu to ask. Got many gd comments abt all our previous performances oso, like in lionheart n ITS. Too bad the ITS one nvr win anything, cos the judges wanna give those 'sch representatives' the prize. At least tts how i felt. Or maybe we were messy n lack coordination. Well i din practice enuff la for ITS, cos of choir, n felt like slacking oso.

Hmm all this dance talk making me excited. Dance Team 2001-2004, sounds gd, think they'll agree oso, cun wait to contact them. Yayz.

The online world is really dangerous huh. Not tokking bout the netchat meetups and rape cases here [too serious, doesn't apply here], but more of spreading of info, good and bad, to ppl you might not even noe. Which means a blog isnt really a place for you to vent ur anger about someone, for he/she might come across ur blog one day, n find out; then ur screwed. Yup, tts y need to practice self-censorship, and control ur feelings, dun just spill out everything.

Best solution? Be at peace with everyone. Tolerance. Look at things at a different angle. Yea.

Yay, finally got some new games for my PS2. Got my dad to buy them overseas, so darn cheap, abt S$4 per game. Spent entire afternoon playing, even though was tired frm cca carnival. Mainly cos only slept 4 hrs, and the cca carnival was kinda sianz. Supposed to have shifts for diff jobs at diff locations at diff times, but change of plans, then ended up stoning at choir stall most of the time. Lotsa ppl signed up, all i dunno one, cept xz. Hmm singing at the linkway sucked totally, everyone tried too hard blasting, got so many off tunes some more. Disgrace man. Everyone was all over the place, then got ppl mending the stall liao, so just slack and rot lor. Organisation was crap. [cun blame the comm tho, teachers 4eva intervening]

Dunno wads wrong wif u today. But always swing here n there, up and down, like sin curve lidat. Haha lemme apply chem knowledge here, we're like transitional elements, react differently under diff conditions, or no reaction at all. Haha. Lame. Can be emotionally stressful/numbing lor, even if theres no commitment involved.

Oh i promise myself this will be the last time i write abt these stuff, shows too much weakness and wrong ideas. Too personal oso. Just hope not too many ppl read this. Tts y keeping as low profile as possible for now.

Here i am, blogging again, this time calmer and less pissed. Hmm the blog can really be an avenue to share stuff wif ppl if you dun feel like tokking, or typing in chat boxes for that matter. Only need to type once then everyone can see liao some more. OK maybe thats an excuse for my laziness to share probs.

Damn im bored. Dun feel like going for choir tmr. But nvm, found incentives to go. Hehz, stupid comm put me as grp leader some more, which means cun slack or wad. And yes, ill try to be early. Hellooo, i personally think the halved-attendance-after-15-mins really suck lor, wonder which idiot came up wif it. Hmph.

Gonna go play smth. Slack. Anything.

Urgh.
Freaking pissed off today. OK i noe im always late, but dun need to always suan here suan there rite, 'joke' so many times not sian arh. Haha, so funny lor. Wadeva. The more someone forces me to do smth, the more ill rebel if i dun like it i tell ya. Urgh.....cun stand backstabbers, act nice in front of ya n badmouth u behind ur backs. Ppl can really be so fake....

Hmm din get to see you today. Stupid phone no batt, cun contact you. [Oh thx zw n raph for phone services haha] Felt so extra when looking over the parade square. And choir was so totally redundant today. Praises for singing loud yeah yeah. All just some manipulation by teachers to attract ppl to join. Crap. And the early morn practices to go with it. WoW ThX.

Came into LT5 late today, heard 'late again', 'wow early' kind of comments.WoW ThX. ThX a LoT. Grrr felt like shouting n telling ms chua to shut the f*** up. Went home feeling empty, tired. [Whew gd thing u called, made mood a lil betta]

Dunno wads wrong wif me. Wonder why my tears flow out so easily now. Bad sign?

Tues and Wed were so slack for me. Reached home before 3 on both days, gamed till 6, slept till 9, slack/eat/TV till 11, gamed will 3. OMG i think my life is screwed. Gotta reverse it, or nth productive will be done. Sighz~ guess im still kinda unused to sch life...

Just experienced a lesson wif my new econs tutor. Whoa, ive never attended a lesson so exciting and suspenseful my whole life. She can just ask you any question about any topic, sometimes kinda tricky. So if you dunno those past topics very well then gd luck lor. Which also means cun sleep during her lessons... i was dreaming at a part of her lesson today, then suddenly tio one of her qn, in the end had to crap smth out. Whew thank god she din't suspect anything. Hmmz ms tan muz have told her i always ask alot of qns during econs, tts y she keep turning my way looking at my expression to see if i got queries or not....wd...and pls lor, im not traumatised by her as wad she claims.......

Econs is gonna be one fun subject this yr. Heez.

Unlucky.
Yup. I think i agree wif sr, the chem tutor is really pressurizing, asking questions. I think he meant well by asking me questions repeatly, knowing i was weak, but the way he forces answers out of people, wah its really stressful. Well, hes a better tutor than last yr's heh, but sooner or later goner die of stress in his class. All his qns are really chim manz.

PE was good, realised i havent ran for a long time, end of the day ab muscles were aching, strangely.... Yay i grew by 1cm, lost 1 kg![acty the way i saw the scale, i lost 1.5, but she din record decimals, n im not gonna write my stats here]

Bad thing happened at the end of the day. Kenna dragged to play bball when sun was so hot [ok actually i wasnt very interested, cos kinda 'light bulb' wif the 'couple' playing only]. Then they put their hps on the floor, and i had to accidentaly kick them into the drain. One fell in, the other nearly. [at least not both spoiled?] Then tried repairing lou lynn's 8210 [gd thing its 8210, whew], but in the end keypad couldnt work and kept jamming. Sorriez!!!! Feel guilty for wrecking her phone which she used so long, just hope shes alright, and her phone somehow works after drying completely...

Sorry again Lou Lynn.

2nd day. Whew.
Realised im typing too much detail in my blogs. Good and bad la. People noe more abt me, but then again i might reveal too much to unfamiliar ppl.....bad thing is its hard to read. Yeah =). Anw today morn was in such a rush, hair was in a mess, and forgot to bring hp. Din't sleep well last night la. Gd thing had 2 hrs of slack time after assembly, cos its bio period..... Hung around the canteen and chatted with ivy n vidhya, my j1-classmates, and ivy's fren, yi ting. Gd to hear they're doin well. Anw shared lotsa ghost stories haha, early in the morn.... Kinda eerie tho, all the diff haunted places of diff schs, and even Pulau Tekong.....[hope i dun go there for training in ns, gulp!]

The rest of the day was generally normal, now lotsa stuff to do, copy notes, copy arenes tutorial [hope mr gwee doesnt see this], gosh wad am i doing here? Haha worktime.

1st Day of Sch.(3rd Jan)
Sux. Cos it was so slack and redundant. Lets see, slacked for about 6 hours i think..... first lesson was gp, well no one had gp cos all the teachers were at the hall getting introduced to the year ones. Ok the year ones this year kinda cmi, in terms of looks basically, guys and girls alike, yuck.... hope those that join choir are at least average looking with no attitude...

Hmm but at least get to meet mua classmates again, glad to see them yeah.Slacked around tgr wif the usual few at the canteen, then tokked lotsa crap haha, after tt had another long session[4 hrs, yuck] of slacking in library.....

Caught dozing off during econs tut, some more its mrs lim the fierce and good tutor heh. Anw went home at abt 5,then rested for a while b4 heading to choir chalet.

The trip there was long manz, then waited for the feeder bus to downtown east for hell long, before sharing cab wif 2 pj girls at the queue too, hmm they were damn nice, they even refused tt i pay back the cab fare wowz =).

Anw went there and play mahjong, tok cok, then slept. Heard i slept-talked, bleahz. Next day went home after breakfast and soccer, rest, went back for bbq. BBQ was kinda failure lah, the girls din have enuf to eat, some had a lil too much a share, then ppl were at diff places at times. Not the usual bbq you have.... went home tt nite, wanted to stay till sunday, but no other j1 staying [cept zw], kinda sian oso...

Need to start my gears soon, currently still slacking, tts y got so much time to write long blog entry.....wadeva......

Dreams. Escapism.
First of all, wish everyone a happy new year 2004! Erm yeah i noe its 2 Jan liao, time for school, work, worries blablabla, and i spent half of my new yr day sleeping lolx. 'Partied' too much during nye I guess. Yup, meet the basses at 11 to go esplanade, then ended up wanting to buy drink from 7-11 at city link while waiting for the rest to appear, then only managed to head towards esplanade to watch the fireworks at 1145. Hmm then i walked back to meet up wif becky, then by the time we reached theatres at the bay, ppl were alrdy cheering and squeezing inwards to see the fireworks. We missed half of it, but as ppl started clearing we gradually moved closer to the centre, saw some nice ones la. So DAMN CHIO! First time watching fireworks, cool manz.

After tt spent helluva time trying to contact the guys, with the screwed up reception cos of all the new yr msgs and greetings ppl send..... Took us abt 1/2 hr to spot them, then after chilling out wif the concert music and stuff, decided to go pubbing at boat quay area. From here onwards, it starts getting monotonous. Oh when walking through boat quay, so 'dangerous', haha ppl trying to spray foam on ur backs. Got this girl eye the both of us, keep tailing us trying to spray foam at us. Too bad she keep shaking the bottle but nth comes out =P. Some ppl even had foam fights lor, then we had to walk through them, gd thing not much dmg dealt lolz.

OK sad thing is, din manage to find a pub, ended up stoning at diff corners most of the time, deciding wad to do. Beck tried calling xm for lobang and found madmonks la, but in the end dresscode wrong, money not enuf, ppl not interested. Crap. Ended up stoning quite some time at some lesbian hangout[wah lau, there got so many guy-looking girls, smtimes cun tell the diff lor, erk]. After about 1 hr or so, decided to move aimlessly. Yay.

Went to 7-11, the guys bought various drinks, sipped some frm each, tasted more like soda, wine was ok, too fresh imo. Then wy's face turned so red after a can of jim beam cola, haha like lobster, so funny! Then zw had some red spots oso, dunno whether its rash or cos of drinking. 2nd major stoning location, but took a couple photos, oh and met xm n her chio fren there. Guess all her frenz are pretty huh. Erm talked for a while, then they went back the clarke quay bridge to meet up wif the rest of their frenz. Hmm wad else.... oh then the guys decided to divide into 2 grps, one go to jh's n the other to jeff's house. Then beck n i er.... went to the river point there and sit down look at sea and chit chat lorz. Talked for 2 hrs then she suddenly wanted to go home, said she was tired, needed rest. Mua dad then sent her home, then sent me home. Ate heavy breakfast, bathed, slept, woke up at 8pm, did nth, watched doctor dolittle[funny haha, and about bears lol derrick].

Oh and i realised i have been in a dream this hols, everything was so illusionary, all fun and no work yeah, guess its time to get back into reality, and start worrying, stress and all..... But it was good while it lasted, hope next year after a lvls will also experience something like this, and even better. Really had a great time this hols. Thx guys and gals.

Havent packed bag yet, gosh, totally unprepared for sch, physically and mentally.....well just gotta live with it, like it or not.....

Posted by Knightz @ 12:25 AM